Transitions and Autumn Thoughts
Originally written 8 May and 19 August 2020
Today happiness is my cup of tea, soft lamp light, and Stella curled up by my feet under the dining table. The days have been gray, snowy and windy. The dreary overcast sky has not diminished my spirits, however. Life will always be terrible and wonderful in the same gesture. It’s up to you to cling to everything wonderful that brings you happiness, as your survival depends on it.
After nearly a year indoors, our apartment is approaching completion — needing a chair here, a mirror there. Our apartment has become my haven. It is so comfortable and I feel safe. I feel warm and peaceful. It looks and feels like home.
As I sip my tea, I allow myself to feel good about this hard work; I am proud. This is my sacred space. Things are clean and put away. I am surrounded by things that make me happy. I feel settled, calm, and in control. These moments of calm during the pandemic have kept me focused on gratitude, and gratitude is what surrounds me. I am grateful for my closely curated collection of objects; a collection of sentimental items, new co-decorative objects, pieces representing different stages of my independence, and refurbished items that symbolize the current phoenix-like stage of my life. I let content fill my heart and close my eyes. Autumn in New York is playing in the background.
I love mood of autumn: the romantic music, the warming flavors, and the transition to another wardrobe. I love the sound of steady rain and the lightest hint of musk perfume in the air. I love a good book, a soft lamp, and a warm blanket. I love crisp nights around bonfires. To imagine an entire year trapped indoors — four seasons passing by, missed opportunities and celebrations stuck long-distanced. Will things indeed get worse before they get better?
Autumn has always been a time of life transition: beginning of a school year, the end of summer irresponsibility. When I moved to New York, when Cameron and I felt serious and commited. Making holiday plans over candlelit dinners and warm cocktails. Sweaters instead of swimsuits, coffee shops instead of Caribbean sands. Standing-still, not sailing away. Remember to take walks in the park as the leaves change colors, and brew pots of tea when it rains. Remember to lay with your thoughts and indulge in seasonal joys. When it is dark, light a candle. When you are in need of escape, pick up a book.
Will the changing season bring reprieve or sadness? Life will always be terrible and wonderful in the same gesture. It’s up to you to cling to everything wonderful that brings you happiness, as your survival depends on it.
